Kimi B Ley: October 2006

Anna-rchy Weekender.

Yet another debauched, uber-splendid weekend, this time to mark (belatedly) my favouristist friend evers (Whelk's) 30th . A group of 17 of us had hired out a youth hostel conveniently attached to a public house about 5 miles from Avebury, Wilts. (The Goddard Arms, Clyffe Pypard - allegedly pronounced Clive Pippa (?) http://www.yha.org.uk/hostel/hostelpages/4016.html). The ale-fest began in ernest at 5pm, and a few of us fought the good fight through till 7am before sucumbing to an hour and a half sleeping/comatose respite.

A couple of interesting facts we acquired:

Allegedly in those thar parts (if you believe the mad woman working there) a regular steak is actually a pastie...its the rest of us that are wrong, although all but one of the peeps that had ordered this got what looked remarkably like steak...curious eh?

In preparing the dinner table (and obligatory embarassing birthday banners to adorn the room) we located a lo-hot of banners for 60th and 80th birthdays, and to me the weirdest: congrats on your wedding. This was in the youth hostel part, 3 dorms. with single bunkbeds...not a perfect honeymoon I'd imagine altho I may suggest it to my sister. Also not ideal I'd imagine if any of the 80ish years old hostelers happened to be incontinent, it could be prudent to bag the top bunk just in case methinks.

Also a vague question of grammer arose (amongst this party where the majority were teachers - look at the piccies and see if you'd allow any of this lot to shape your child's mind - hehehe) You know how you can pride yourself on something? What about if you're referring to a he? and the instance is in the past? Is it he prided himself? Dunno, sounds odd...but anyhoo one of the party is a super-clever phd french honey Bjork who lives here and she insists that all french people have to learn the irregular english verbs by heart, therefore any not in that list are regular. We played around with a few, such as the new verb minger (past tense mingered) and mumra (past tense mumrad). Building a picture in your minds yet as to the level of silliness in direct correlation to alcohol intake?

I was also introduced to a strange concept - champagne (which I know and love) with redbull and vodka!! Bjork's beau and I were asking her what this would literally be translated to in french, and she had to reply that such a tramp drink would not exist and therfore could have no name!! Brilliant..(actually it didn't taste too shabby, but I hate the smell of redbull)

And gloriously...the Whelk and me had got each other the exact same 30th birthday present!!! First edition of Ernest Hemingway The Old Man and the Sea, and first edition of Jay Nussbaum's Blue Road to Atlantis...my favourite books, and first editions...aaaaah!!! You know how when you buy a present for someone quite often you get something you'd really love to recieve? Well we both did. How cool? We have always been sooo similar (our birthdays are only 2 weeks apart), our families are scarily similar..we are almost the same person if I'd just taken her path (continued super-intelligent academia and education), and she'd just taken mine (travelling beach bum hippy). It makes our 30th even more precious really, loving that!

The Simmonds-ies (plus me)

Hey there you gu-uys!

Some smart invitee had thought to bring along body paints, and to make things that lil bit more colourful everyone had their faces adorned in all sorts of wonderful designs. amongst the classics was Skinny who borrowed a few of my lady clothes and painted himslef up as a minstrel. I feel it important to highlight that this pub was in the middle of noowhere and the poor 3 locals that thought they'd be having a quiet night were a little shell-shocked!! As Skinny started to dance, then grab one of them, reveal his butt-cheeks for an extra flower to be painted thereon, the poor locals mentioned that 'the thing is if it weren't for all that dark sh*t on his face you just might go there'!!!! Priceless.

What a beaut!

I believe however that one of the defining memories would have to be the creation of No Arm Pool, an athletic sport amongst kings indeedy!!!

It pretty much explains it's own rules...no arms are to be employed in the hitting of the cue ball. Initially we experimented with playing this singularly, but discovered that teams were a more efficient means of directing the cue and striking the ball. It requires quite some initiative and athleticism...there are obvious positions such as the crotch area, between the breasts, between the toes...yet all these require what would be a second hand to provide the force required to move the ball more than a few inches. So chins, foreheads, through the arm or belt of clothes and even a necklace through the teeth swung in a pendulous motion were also employed. Kudos to the barman tho, for not minding us climbing on his pool table (or painting his face come to think about it!) Hours of quite obsessive fun.

Concentration is key

Through the shirt arm..that's initiative

Very complex, not to tried by amateurs...note the necklace in the teeth to aid with the movement

I dunno..

After a few hours sans-alcohol we headed to Avebury stone circle (well unsurprisingly initially we headed to the pub at the circle). Unfortunately I couldn't stay long, having to hoof it back to Brighton, but I have many a fond memory of Avebury.

Back in our college days there were 3 of us that would hang about together having met up in our philosophy A-Level class, Whelk, Fifi and me. Relatively often we'd be walking to class, or smoking in the pigpen-type area provided for those of us who smoked, and not really feel the necessary vibe to be attending whatever class was next. In those days (now 13 odd years back-jees!) I had my first car, a lovely little 950cc burgundy fiesta, with no cassette player...no sounds!! So Fifi had a younger sister who had one of those brown fisherprice battery powered he-uge tape players with 3 massive darker brown buttons which we'd requisition for our journey's and off we'd go. Avebury circle became somewhat of a regular haunt for us, sitting out next to the standing stones, 3 of which we named after oursleves. I even now have some pcitures Whelk drew of me sitting there, and of the stones. We even tried divining once, with some metal coathangers we'd fashioned into an appropriate shape...gotta say guys, those puppies did cross when we walked over or along a leyline!!!

So yep it was a fitting and long-overdue return.

Avebury...aaah!

The Queens of Sheba

Well, this weekend I had muchos gay fun attending my first civil partnership ceremony (gay wedding), and although I live in Brighton it wasn't here!!! So Pompey-bound I went (a brief aside... I lived in Pompey when I was insane enough to be married, well actually I lived in Southsea as opposed to Portsmouth but thats only one of those distinctions you make if you've ever visited the place. I have some wonderful friends still there, and they are not the chavy, house rabbit owning type who like to turn the word you, into yous, as in I love yous, how are yous doing...)

So that the groom and groom didn't implode we partook in a few calming drinks prior to the wedding...rose cava and babysham!! hehehe!! and everyone male and female battled over the mirrors. On arrival at the registry office, photos were taken, blah,blah and everyone tried to find a suitable way of wording do we go in the front door or the back door. Then to my utter joy, Mr and Mr, in their white suits with pink accessories (having arrived in a white rolls royce with pink trim) walked down the aisle to the sounds of Abba's 'I love you, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do'...utterly priceless!! Each groom had his own best man (or in Sheba's case Best lady, my fabulous Kitty).

An uber-fabulous day all round, with some truly priceless tunes that had to be danced to given the ocassion. Congratulations Andy and Bob on your big gay day!!! Mwa xx