The emergence of spikey Kimi

Oh dear, it doesn't happen often, but Kimi is feeling pretty f**king spikey and in need of venting (in the absence of hot,hard lovin'). I doubt this post will remain up on this blog for long, am bound to delete in when in a more reasonable frame of mind, but woman's perogative 'n all that jazz...

Starts with a phone call to the turtle, one of the peeps that had been contacting me concerned about Monsieur Boucher. Joy of f**king joys Boucher's GF's sister had turned up on pp needing to see him, but he had eventually reached the decision not to attend to big clean-up. GF's sister had been having nightmares that GF was lost, which within the thai buddhist/anamist tradition is a sign that the spirit is lost or remaining,ordinarily because they don't want to leave someone that is sad. Knowing how difficult Boucher had been finding things, Turtle had decided to go to phuket and tell him in person as opposed to phoning him.

10 mins later call from Boucher chatting away and mentioning he was going to cancel seeing turtle, and I tried a few encouraging words along the theme of you might feel better for going out, and what about getting him round to yours, blah,blah and of course, luck of the f**king irish I ended up being the person to pass this wonderful news on.I also ended up feeling like utter shite unfit to soil the sole of a peodophiles shoe, and believe ended up in tears, nothing like shooting the messenger eh?

So a few facts in summary (some past context required):

• Boucher and I stop living together just over a year ago due to my discovery of continuous indiscretions on his part over the course of 2+ yrs.
• During the on-off periods at the start of the relationship I was lucky enough to hear him f**king a friend of mine, and be put at risk coz he's f**ked an irish clap carrier.
• Move back to uk, back on again(ish)
• He returns to pp, begs me to come and stay with him for a month in January, then tells me by email 3 days before xmas that he's met some thai chick,doesn't want a serious relationship, but is kind of living with her. I lose £250 cancellation fee, ni..ice xmas for Kimi. (Interesting post script he doesn't think we should have contact anymore as otherwise I'll let him keep hurting me for the rest of my life)
• Tsunami
• Daily contact, become a cocksmoking martyr helping and supporting him in trying to find his GF, who isn't actually his GF coz he dumped her on xmas eve.
• 8 weeks on still supporting him, get to phone and talk to him about her family's wishes-how twistedly f**ked up is that?
• People voicing concern over his mental state asking me to talk to him, or come over and see him

Alright so that is somewhat abridged,pseudo-honest account of a few yrs, but am feeling a lil bitter, jaded and slightly along the lines of why is tis my responsibility?

I haven't heard from Boucher since that call, not that I'd be worried or anything 6000miles away...I am nit noy sick of being reasonable, and elevating myself to the lofty heights of sainthood in a an effort to help him. How many exes would do this? How many would help their ex recover from losing the person that replaced them? How many that only got shat on AGAIN only 4 days before the tsunami would put themselves through this? For what? He takes, and takes and is selfish and I get nothing in return, no thank you, or don't worry I'm having a better coupla days, or this must be quite hard or odd for you too. Pick me up and take what you need when you need it and f**k the rest of the time eh? Am seriously jaded about making the effort, emotional leach springs to mind.

Realise this is very ranty, and actually very female which makes me pretty shitting angry at myself but ENOUGH!!! I know he's grieving and having a shitty time, and I'd take it away if I could but reality check. He had known this thai girl for 3.5 weeks, she's kinda moved herself in to his bungalow,he 'allegedly' didn't want a serious relationship with her. She at 21 (12yrs younger than him) had 2 kids already, and moves herself in with a westerner. Now there are a few excepting but generally a future for thai women is to get knocked up by a westerner so you have them and their money...oh nasty,spiky,evil, vitriolic woman scorned shit eh? He dumped her xmas eve coz she'd been rifling thru his shit and written over some of his photos (well she was only 21). We are not talking about a relationship that was destined for greatness, not the love of each others lives, more like convenient asian body to f**k without having to pay. So why the drama? Yes its awful she dies, and how she died. But...almost 9 weeks later she's still sat in an urn on top of his TV!!! What can't face to leave her now?Carried her to pp a week and a half ago but bought her back again? Am I being cynical and selfish? Yep.

(That was the family's issue, there needs to be a ceremony at pp viewpoint where he lets her go and the family are there, then her spirit might leave).

I cannot tell anyone who hasn't been thru the past 3 years or so of me and Boucher how many times and from what height he's shat on me. Although quite obviously he must not take all the blame (no, actually any of it...bloody women eh?) I have been stupid enough to return to him, to believe in some underlying connection, goodness, love. And it will surprise peeps to hear I am actually a stubborn, strong woman who other than with this particular specimen is not a doormat. Reaching saturation point tho'. Its all very well trying to be a good person, and forgive and n all that bollocks but what for the encore shake your hand and make you a drink whilst you anal rape my mother and sister in front of me?

Bitter,vehemence eh? Never fucking cross spikey Kimi...not such a nice shiny person. But will go before I smash the keyboard my little ones.