Boucher

M. Boucher- did see him, twice. It was truly vile to be honest. He is fucked up beyond belief, and considering what I've been going through with him, and talking to him about he was a tool.

He spoke a lil about GF (he finally got rid of her ashes at easter), he has had another thai girlfriend since, as he needed someone to be there physically (obviously she was a bar girl). He has decided that he is actively looking for a thai girlfriendcomewife that he can treat right to make up for GF, he wants to support the family and all that shite (nice to hear). No the guilt is fucking him up proper style. I cannot have him make me feel more worthless considering how much support I've given him. He was very offhand with me, and 2 days after I arrived he left the island and didn't return till April.

Tsunami alert - suffice to say that Boucher didn't bother phoning or texting then either. He managed to get through to people I was at the mini viewpoint with (he was in patong) but didn't even ask if I was there or ok or anything. That was quite some smack in the face. Considering I spent 28 hours that first time, not knowing if he was dead or alive and being petrified, and then helping him through, I was that low down in his thoughts that he didn't even ask anyone else if I was ok. I think that was a kinda harsh, disappointing revelation.

That and the first time I saw him, noticing his new tatoo which exclaims 'in my heart forever' in thai. I also found out that He-gooner and Gayer had known about GF and not told me, that West suspected and it had been going on for a few weeks more than I had been led to believe. Felt pretty shitty.

Maybe a little naively, I thought that after what we'd been through this last 5 months we'd be even closer as friends. If I'm honest tho, I felt that he couldn't even be a friend to me. When I broke my jaw, and the tsunami alert happened I was soooo far down his list of priorities that I didn't even register. Maybe he didn't want, or couldn't talk to me but a text message along the lines of heard about your jaw u muppet/pisshead and r u ok, doesn't take that long eh?

The realisation dawned that I had put myself out to be a good friend to him during a truly shit time, even tho it impacted directly on me but somehow wasn't even worthy of a teeny bit of friendship in return. I came away deciding that it was the end of our chapter.That he had demonstrated an inability to act or care as even a friend to me.

It can't be this one-sided, I cannot make all the effort, he makes me look and feel like a mug, picks me up when he needs me and chucks me to the side and forgets I exist again when he doesn't. I deserve more respect than that. I won't be reduced to someones ex, or emotional crutch.A person cannot demand and expect support and friendship from me on their terms and give nothing back.I am not his back-up option, break glass in case of emergency shit anymore.I have no interest in going backwards. I do not consider myself a pushover because I continued to have contact and be a friend, I considered it as strength and forgiveness on my part, that I was being a good person seeing through our/his shite as real friends do.

I should by now have earned some respect.

Fuck I want to smack him sometimes.